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Post by Ditto on Nov 29, 2004 12:18:27 GMT
Crotchet hook maybe?
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Post by Cyrus on Nov 29, 2004 13:19:41 GMT
for $69.99? Also, it's in the Entertainment section... grrr arg fucking teacher put the Screen Nazi on and took over my monitor while I was writing my edit...
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Post by Ditto on Nov 29, 2004 13:31:08 GMT
They could be re-working the Bayeux Tapestry or something? Expensive like. Okay, I have no idea what it is, why can't we see a piccie. Prolly show a ho on a corner.
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Post by Cyrus on Nov 29, 2004 13:46:17 GMT
see edit above.... fucking teacher ...
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Post by Cyrus on Dec 1, 2004 20:22:32 GMT
Sent to me from my partner: ;D
A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asked his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and looks at her daughter and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only." ;D
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Post by PokerKitten on Dec 1, 2004 20:34:39 GMT
Proverbs
Reduce these sentences to familar proverbs:
A period of pre-eminence is passed through by each and every canine.
It is fruitless to become lachrymose because of scattered lacteal fluid.
Articles which coruscate are not fashioned from aureate metal, at least not necessarily.
Prodigality is produced by precipitancy.
Pulchritude does not penetrate the dermal layer.
It is not proper for mendicants to be indicative of preferences.
The number of your immature gallinaceans must not be calculated prior to their being produced.
A perissodactyl ungulate mammal may be addressed toward aqueous fluid but cannot be compelled to partake thereof.
It is fondness for notes of exchange that constitutes the tuberous structure of all satanically-inspired principles.
Lithoidal fragments ought not to be hurled by tenants of vitreous abodes.
A beholden vessel never exceeds one hundred degrees Celsius.
A feathered creature clasped in the manual members is the equivalent value of a brace in the bosky growth.
A detached fragment of the terrestrial lithosphere, whether of igneous, sedimentary, or metamorphic origin, and whether acquiring its approximation of sphericity through hydraulic action or other attrition, when continuously maintained in motion about its temporary axis and with its velocity accelerated by an increase in the angle of declivity, is, because of abrasive action produced by the incessant but irregular contact between its periphery and the contiguous terrain, effectively prevented from accumulating on its external surface an appreciable amount of the cryptogamous vegetation normally propagated in umbrageous situations under optimum conditions of undeviating atmospheric humidity, quiescence and comparative sequestration from corrosive-erosive agencies.
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Post by Cyrus on Dec 1, 2004 20:53:57 GMT
I post a thing with the word "willies" in it, and then PK has to go post a thing with a bazillion words I've never heard of. I did figure out some of them though.
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Post by Pixie on Dec 1, 2004 21:45:43 GMT
I think I got most of them. Even the last one. Still trying to figure out 4 and 9, can't remember the exact wording of 10, but got the gist. I like cy's willy one as well!
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Post by Cyrus on Dec 1, 2004 21:58:08 GMT
Still trying to figure out 4 and 9, can't remember the exact wording of 10, but got the gist. I think #9 "It is fondness for notes of exchange that constitutes the tuberous structure of all satanically-inspired principles." is "Money is the root of all evil."
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Post by Pixie on Dec 6, 2004 19:22:06 GMT
*snerk* funny.
So what's 4, then? Someone?
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Post by Cyrus on Dec 6, 2004 20:13:37 GMT
oooh so funny... but why is my name in there? I'm not a boy
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Post by nightnurse on Dec 6, 2004 23:38:21 GMT
I think #4 is 'Waste not want not' Cy I loved the willies joke
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Post by Pixie on Dec 7, 2004 8:00:10 GMT
of course. Silly me!
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Post by Cyrus on Dec 17, 2004 18:03:56 GMT
Gifts For Men
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.
Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of de-icer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.
Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.
Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.
Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his day and he will always have parts left over.
Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Harley Davidson, Mc Coy's Lumber, Hayes RV Center, Lowe's, John Deere, and Kelly Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."
Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Give him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"
Rule #12: Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label-maker.
Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.
Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope.
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Post by Spikefan on Dec 18, 2004 0:58:37 GMT
The Gifts For Men rules were hysterical! And nearly all of them applied to my hubby
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Post by Pixie on Dec 18, 2004 9:36:01 GMT
Hee, funny! Weirdly, though, none of the guys I know would like them. Either cos they're gay, or just plain strange (my dad likes getting socks and ties - mostly because he's forever putting his big toe through the toe of the socks. He especially likes novelty socks. My dad is strange.)
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Post by Cyrus on Dec 19, 2004 20:30:04 GMT
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Post by Spikefan on Dec 22, 2004 2:43:47 GMT
That is hysterical!!!!!
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Post by Cyrus on Dec 22, 2004 6:43:24 GMT
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Post by DeeDee on Dec 22, 2004 13:44:48 GMT
Wouldnt mind one with James body parts ;D ;D
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